The Productivity Paradox
A never-ending incessant cycle of making the most out of my 'time' leads to a spiralling downpour of anxiousness, insatiation, and disappointment.
I’m continuously trying to fill up my days with a sufficient amount of hours of “productivity.”
That way, I can indulge in the occasional vice (or two) and play some mindless video games by the end of the day, achieving perfect equilibrium for my efforts.
It may sound silly to some, but sometimes I deliberately deprive myself of ‘fun’ when I know I didn’t put my best into the day. It’s as if there’s an internal scale inside my mind that categorizes every decision I make, sorting these decisions into labelled boxes that were either “beneficial” or “detrimental” towards my future self.
If the pros outweigh the cons, I’d consider it to be a successful day.
However, I’m slowly learning that not all days are going to be productive, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t successful.
“Being productive” or engaging in productive activity is different for each person. Personally, I read various mediums that spark different aspects of my thinking processes and curiosity. I also work on writing projects (i.g., screenplays, shorts) that I’d like to see come into fruition someday. And more recently, I started drawing and illustrating on my iPAD. Essentially, anything that ignites my creative juices.
Whatever productivity means to you, it’s safe to say that your session should end with significant results to show for, where the amount of effort (time) invested returns substantial satisfaction.
The main issue that stems from this is that you’re unable to measure the exact means of productivity, it’s often intangible and is subjected to biased self-assessment. Let’s be frank with each other—at times, I question whether I was actually being productive or I was just enjoying the cafe’s allure and quaint ambience.
At the end of every session, I ask myself these two questions:
Did I get enough done? OR
Did I waste my time?
The latter tends to induce an emotionally negative feedback loop. While I’m scrounging to make the most out of my time by being productive, these sessions result in times of being disappointed, especially if I knew I didn’t get as much done as I’ve initially intended.
Being productive is a re-occurring battle of measuring myself to unattainable standards, seeking for validation through the actions I take, hoping I’m spending my time wisely and making it worthwhile. Although the intention is clear, these sessions result in embedding deep and internal frustrations that leads to self-inflicting resentment.
And for me, this predicament occurs 99% of the time.
So, how do I cope with this self-imbued toxicity?
Feeling > Results
Cal Newport, computer science professor at MIT and renowned savant that studies the intersection of technology and modern productivity (author of Deep Work and Slow Productivity), mentioned in a recent New Yorker article that “productivity isn’t just a matter of what you accomplish; it’s about how you feel about what you do.”
Instead of measuring your productivity sessions based on what was completed— whether you’re tasked with writing 2 pages of poetry, finishing a module, or designing an illustration, grant yourself the grace to get familiar with the process at-hand. This includes the rush of dopaminergic sensation when you complete a final project, while also welcoming adverse emotions that arise during the creative stints.
If I didn’t complete what I set myself out to do, that’s okay. I’m content with the act of striving towards something I’ve never attained before, putting in the reps to familiarize myself with the woes of creativity. Because creating (in general) does not get any easier than the first instance.
More colloquially speaking, simply enjoy the process and every emotion encompassed with it.
Goals are a trap
Setting goals and specificity is valuable in terms of giving you tangible asks to complete, but when you’re unable to complete these tasks, it could lead you to feeling worse than how you felt prior. Studies show that failure to achieving these high and ambitious goals can lead you to having a lower sense of self-esteem.
I set myself a goal recently: write one post per week for this blog. And in the second week, I’ve failed to comply to it. Rather, it’s been one month since I set the goal and I’ve failed miserably.
This had lead me down a path of feeling miserable, disappointed with my inability to commit to my own writing project and showcasing my lack of discipline.
Instead, I’m going to take it less serious, have more fun, and enjoy the process of what’s to come from this blog. My new goal is to be a better writer with each post. (After all, I’m using it as a training ground to be a professional writer someday)
Prioritize and deduce
To ensure each productivity session is a success, I compiled a list of necessary tasks to be completed. That way, as long as these said tasks were complete, I could walk around from the session with my head held high, I was productive, woo! My list would look something like this:
Morning pages (5-minutes of stream-of-consciousness writing, aka word vomiting)
Write, no matter how little (Substack, personal projects)
Journal
Read for 30 minutes, usually articles/essays from 2 different types of media
Draw something (anything!)
To know what actions you should prioritize, create a list of tasks that you’d like to work on. Afterwards, nominate the top 3 tasks that must be completed. Ultimately, this helps you gain clarity, aligning your decisions closer to your north star. I found this incredibly useful for people who like to juggle multiple hobbies at once.
Thanks for reading until the very end!
Subscribe or like the post if you resonated with it at all, I promise to write more. Hopefully… it won’t be another month until the next post.
I hope that you make the most out of your productivity sessions, enabling you to supersede your former self.
Love this blog post! A good mental shift in perspective towards our pursuit in productivity.
I really enjoyed this, thank you